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KALEID Gallery is proud to present:

Don’t Panic Matty Heimgartner Solo Exhibition

Opening reception: First Friday, May 5th 5pm–9pm
Part of the South FIRST FRIDAYS ArtWalk SJ in SoFA District.
Free admission and all ages.

My forehead, palms, and pits are sweaty, but I’m so cold that I’m shaking. It’s hard to breathe. My vision is narrow with the center most saturated then the outer fading to a blur. My heart beats against my rib cage as if it is trying to break out of its prison. I feel like I am falling, but I’m pretty sure I am standing. My thoughts race so fast that I can’t process a single one. I’m confused. I’m afraid. And I’m certain this is going to be my demise.

You’re having a panic attack.

But they keep happening.

You have panic disorder.

I had my first panic attack when I was nineteen years old and my second not long after the first. I was certain I was having a heart attack and it took several x-rays from different doctors before I believed otherwise. I met with a therapist who explained the science behind the attacks. The amygdala nerves in my brain send distress signals to my hypothalamus—an alarm system within my body—and then my body exudes sensations of being in danger. My anxious mind believes it. When in danger, some kick into fight mode, others flight. I freeze.

I spent my twenties trying to escape my own mind by drowning it with substances from liquor stores and back alleys, but my mind was always right back with me the next morning.

Feel the fear, do it anyway.

In sobriety, I have sought the core roots of my panic attacks. Uncertainty. Feelings of not being in control. Excessive worry. Paranoia. Some of these root problems are more manageable than others, but what has helped me through my panic most of all is creative expression. Writing, sculpting, and painting. Creating art gets me out of my head and into the work. This series is less about coherence between the pieces and more about letting go of control, paranoia, and perfectionism.

The best advice I ever received about panic attacks—something I still practice until this day—came from a panic disorder support group leader whom I met when I was nineteen: If you were making a sandwich when the attack started, finish making the sandwich and show your mind you’re not in danger.

About the Artist:
Matty Heimgartner is a California artist and writer whose surreal paintings and personal essays tend toward the introspective and reflective. Heimgartner often participates in art shows around the
San Francisco Bay Area, and their art has been featured in the magazines: CreativPaper, Beyond Words, Content, Cerasus, and Artist Portfolio. Their nonfiction appears in Reed Magazine, Thanks Hun, The Rromp, Resurrection, and Beyond Queer Words. Matty holds a BA in art and is currently earning an MFA in creative writing from San José State University.

Exhibition dates: May 5–26, 2023

Gallery hours:
Thursdays–*Fridays 12pm–7pm
Saturdays 12pm–5pm and
*First Fridays 5pm–9pm ArtWalk SJ.

KALEID Gallery
320 S. 1st St.
SoFA District downtown San Jose
info@kaleidgallery.com
408-947-1785

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